My oh my, what a day it has been! And now it’s the long weekend, my friends! “Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!” <— said with a fist-pump in.
I went through a rainbow array of emotions today because good God, you guys, I am leaving so soon!!!
It’s so easy to say “I want to travel, I want to leave all that I know," when you’re locked in a job, going through a routine, surrounded by the safe, comfortable world that you live in. But. But it’s another thing to know in a mere 23 days you’ll actually be on a plane. Suddenly the world you wished for seems too close, too real, and thoughts arise whether you should have just kept your dreams all talk and no action.
But Sept 22, at 6:10pm, everything *is* going to change.
I’ve been really nervous about the money part of the trip, because I truly have no idea how much it’s all going to cost me (anyone have any ideas?). Am I going to wake up one morning broke and stranded in some country, with nothing more than the belongings in my bag? Hmmmmmm…
12 flights are booked so far ($2,760.05 later….) and hardly any accommodation (exception: Berlin and trek to Base Camp, Mt. Everest), but I think I’ll keep it this way…. take a chance, leave my options open, see where the trip takes me… at least, that’s what I’m saying right now.
I have a back up passport and visa, y’know, just-in-case (Mother-Liz will keep it ready to fedex), and an assortment of passport size photos for all my different visa passports… There were/are so many little things I have to do, it’s unbelievable how overwhelming it’s got, trust me on that one.
I also find I’m going through the motions of what I think I’m *supposed* to do, but really, I’m so blind to all this, that deep down inside I’m somewhat freaking out.
But, the organization, the bookings, the planning, and even hit to my wallet, none of it will be nearly as hard as when the goodbyes start.
I said my first goodbye to my brother last weekend, as he heads back to school for the Fall. My heart physically hurt knowing I may not see him again for a year, maybe two? Driving home I didn’t know what to do.
I am so scared. I am so nervous. I am terrified of the next three weeks coming to an end. It’s such a weird feeling knowing I’m the one who created whatever it is I’m going through.
At some point in my life I know I want to skydive. I imagine the fear right before one jumps, right before they take that leap of faith, is somewhat similar to what I’m currently going through.
You know you want to do it. Without a doubt, you do. But in that moment up there? it’s terrifying as hell.
Because despite the risks, despite the unknown, despite my many hesitations (and oh there are many!), I know this is what I truly want to do at the end of each day; see the world, take a chance, and simply start new.
Faith in myself, that, I luckily have, and at the end of the day I think (hope) that’s all that matters.