One Twenty Five

I’ve written this post fifty times, all from different angels. There’s a post saved in my drafts where I drop the F-bomb about thirty times, and then another one where I’m all vague about why I stopped blogging for a bit.

But here’s the truth.

I found out Boy- Roommate, who shall never be named on this blog again after this post, had been reading my blog, this blog, since January. January! And naturally he had gone back through all my archives. 

The story is pretty long, complicated and most likely boring to anyone whose not me, but I’ve been incredibly torn up about this whole thing over the past two weeks… And here’s why:

He found One Twenty Five, back in January, by taking my IP address from my regular/non-weight loss blog (the blog I give to my friends), and inputted it into some sketcho program (which I still think is illegal, despite him saying it’s not (cough he won’t give me the name of it cough)).

The program allowed him to scan the entire Internet for anything produced from my IP address. This meant he instantly found One Twenty Five as well as anything else my computer had generated online (PicassaWeb albums, my “draft” blogs, my blog to my mom ect).  This also meant that when I changed the name from One Twenty Five to Fabulous125, it didn’t matter, because anything generated online from my IP he could see.

He then redirected his IP address to some random country in the world, and continued to read my blog over the last 6 months.

I felt so violated and lost from this.  Even if I had accepted my loss and moved on from One Twenty Five, I couldn’t start a wordpress, blogspot ect. because he’d instantly find those blogs too, which in my opinion, was wrong.  He took something I loved away from me, and I was on the verge of ‘hating’ him for this.

To say I was livid is an understatement.  I wanted nothing more to do with him after I found that out.  To consider yourself my ‘friend’, when you go to such great lengths to invade my privacy, and then move in with me while reading my blog is insane and creepy to me.

The worst part of the whole thing? Boy-Roommate and I used to hate each other in high school, and I always thought he hated me because of my weight (probably in my head, but nonetheless I thought this), so it was particularly terrible that he found my blog.  He’s also very tall and very skinny, so how on earth did he relate to my blog? and Why was he reading it? were my questions.

The day I moved One Twenty Five to Fabulous125.tumblr.com he instantly saw my post about him, and that night confronted me.  He told me, and I quote, “you can’t hide, you may as well move it back.”

Awesome.

After a bitter few days, and me making arrangements to move out, we ended up having a fairly lengthy talk, where he apologized a lot, and told me his curiosity got the better of him. He said had he known what he’d find, he wouldn’t have looked for it.  And then because of who I am, I forgave him, after he swore to me he’d never read it again, and would take my IP address out of the program (I’m still not sure I trust this though). 

So yes, there that is. I have no idea if any of that even makes sense, as I left some parts out because it was too complicated.  I learnt a lot about myself during this whole thing, such as there is no such thing as being anonymous online, who my friends are, and are not, and (excuse me while I toot my own horn) that at the end of the day I believe I’m a better person than him, which oddly makes me happy and able to move on.  

I’d also like to note that one characteristic I’d use to describe myself is I forgive and forget, nearly to a fault, and thus get walked all over a fair bit, but I promise you and you, Boy-Roommate, I will never forget this.

Enough about that. And back to blogging now!

Yay! (<— that’s you (I Hope) and me!)

FAQ About this (I’ll update this as they come in):

• He also swore he told nobody, and at one point implied he’d blackmail me with it.  To which I responded, “well that’s your decision, not mine, and that will be a severe judge of character either way, you can decide.”  I actually do believe he has told nobody though. At least he did that for me.
• I lived with him because I was pretty desperate, and didn’t want to move out of my place (it’s so pretty).  He was willing to pay, and we had become friends in the last year.