One Twenty Five

I went on my first Australian date today. Hmmmm. Before I label every Australian guy in the world as “BOLD,” let me explain what happened.

• On Tuesday I was sitting in the park reading. Dude approaches me. Sits with me. Asks me for my number. At this point I am neutral. I give him my sacred number.
• On Thursday Dude, who has now become “Park Guy” in my phone, asks me for coffee on Friday. Still neutral, say yes, because why not?
• On Friday I meet Park Guy for coffee. Wait, now it’s beer. Within 3.2 seconds my judgmental self vitos him from…. from, umm what? Australian fling? Future of my beautiful, smart, children? Neither nor, I don’t know, I just didn’t like him like that. Status now not neutral, but downgraded to meh.
  
• 2 hours later of (actually quite good conversation, mostly because I was a rock star and carried the ‘date’) he takes my hand in his. WHAT THE WHAT? That’s not awkward at all. Very bizzarre given the casual style coffee place we sat at. But whatever, maybe this is what Ozzy guys do. Status still meh, but also confused given hand-stroking thing happening.
• 2 hours and 5 minutes later Park Guy KISSES me. BOLD BOLD BOLD BOLD. I had literally given him NO signs. None. Zip. Zero Zilch. Also, the kiss was soooo meh. Sloppy lips, if you will.
• 2 hours, 5 minutes and 18 seconds later he says smuggly, “I saw the signs.” And let me tell you folks, THERE WERE NO SIGNS, except for maybe I was nice, and smiled, and was there with him.
• Anywho, eventually he drove my awkward ass home, but not before getting all up in my grill and trying to feel me up by his car (so classy, I know. and for the record I let him know that was a no-go).  After 10 minutes he texted me “Thanks heaps for this arvo. It was great getting to know you. When would you like to do this again?” (Side note: All Australians say “arvo” which is short for afternoon)

Okay. End. Of. My. Story. And end of him. So yea… ARE ALL AUSTRALIANS THIS BOLD? OR JUST HIM? AND WHY AM I TALKING IN CAPITALS? HMMM. AND I WANT ICE-CREAM, BUT THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE AS I TYPE THIS FROM MY BED WITH MY TEETH BRUSHED.