One Twenty Five

Last night was my first night out (in the let’s drink too much and do stupid things way) with Australian people. And it was ummm, interesting.

Firstly, I must confess that since I arrived on Tuesday I’ve somewhat felt myself slip into the whole I am really not good looking enough for this part of the world thing. People here are beautiful. People here are fit. People here are skinny. Which has resulted in this overwhelming sense of not feeling like I’m good/pretty/skinny/fit-enough to live here. All very recognizable feelings which at some point in my life was the norm.

So yes. Back to last night. I met up with two friends (the twins), who I was put in contact with through a friend. They were ridiculously welcoming, and included me in their group of friends right away. Awesome. It’s hard to make groups of friends. (Y’know… with the whole girls being bitchy thing, and then guys just wanting in your pants thing. ANYWHO.)

I thought we were heading out for a casual night on the town, but was unfortunately  mistaken – it was a high-end, high-heels, short-skirts, low-tops kind of night. I was not prepared. But as my entire outfit was all black, I figured I’d just wing it – but my new Australian friends would have none of it.

They wanted me to borrow their clothes. Eff. No. Wait. What. No. I’m okay. Thanks. But they insisted and in my head I was all like OH HELL NO. ALL YOU GIRLS HAVE A 0 OR 2 WAIST. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I’LL FIT ANY OF YOUR CLOTHES. And no. This is not a happy ending story. I was right - none of their clothes fit me and I was soooooooo embarrassed for it.

Of course they were polite after they saw that literally none of their dresses or tops slightly fit me, but still, the damage was done and I felt myself recede back to my grade 10 self of why the hell haven’t you just done it? you’re so useless etc. thoughts. I actually felt like sh*t about myself to an extent I couldn’t explain. It sucked. A lot.

Anyway. That wasn’t actually the point of this post. The point is this. None of us had eaten since about noon (we had spent the day together), which meant come 10pm I was hungry. Wait, shouldn’t everyone be hungry? I didn’t mention being hungry because, well, obviously, but then the topic of dinner still somehow came up. And this happened:

Girl 1: Tonight’s gonna be a liquid dinner!!
Girl 2: For sure. That way we skip the calories
Girl 1: Yea. The guys will probably order a pizza, but I find it embarrassing when girls eat in pubs.
Girl 2: Me too!!

And then that was that. No dinner. Less calories. And I was starving, but didn’t say a thing. The rest of the night was actually still quite fun (thankyouverymuch accent), despite me feeling huge (and really, I know comments and everything will come in about how I’m not that big, and all that jazz), but I was without a doubt the heaviest girl at the three bars we went to. Without a doubt. So yea… I’m a little nervous of the pressures I’m going to feel this upcoming year living in the land of the beautiful.

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Australia actually has a huge (PUN!) obesity problem so I know this was an isolated time and place incident, but moving here has somewhat started to give me a complex of, I’m not good enough….

BUT BUT BUT. 

Hopefully once I find a place, job, routine, start running again on a regular schedule and eating healthy I’ll feel better about myself. I think that’s why it’s hard to see all the skinny/beautiful girls around, because I’m not even being that proactive about my weight, just wishin’ and hopin’ which we all know gets you nowhere.

And I should mention I am still loving this new city of mine, and don’t regret the decision in the slightest, despite it apparently giving me a complex.