I let this question sit as I sincerely wasn’t sure whether I was going to answer it or not, but I related to you, and in staying with my blog’s theme of I’m-pretty-much-an-open-book, I thought I would.
I’m not. I believe I was 19 at the time, and it was with a boy I thought (ps I was totally not) in love with. I still have major, major, MAJOR issues with my body image and boys. I’ve spent entire nights awake, next to boys sucking in, terrified that they’ll figure out I’m fat.
I’m insistent on the lights being off, which results in the guy being able to tell I’m self conscious and on the most part they’re actually incredibly kind. I once had a guy tell me my stretch marks on my love handles were my tiger-stripes. Boys will surprise you, but I completely understand how hard it is to get past the omigod-I’m-overweight-body-dislikes.
Your time will come, and the great thing is, if it’s with the right person you’re not even going to worry for a second about your body, o.k, that was kinda lame as I know, for me, I’d even be self conscious with ‘the right person,’ but I suppose there are times where I’ve just had to say, “this is me, love it, or hate it, this is me” and in the moment accept yourself and your flaws and just be.
Thanks for asking, read quick y’all as I may remove this asap :)