This post comes to you from downtown Montreal, where I just stopped in to check my emails, n’ what not, and I noticed I reached a big mile stone with my followers.
I know we all read messages like this a lot, but I cannot say enough, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I’m so humbled and flattered people read my words, and follow my attempt at becoming the best person I can be (aka not tubby and not un-awesome).
In 13 days I’ll run the full marathon, something I sincerely thought I’d never do, and in my moment(s) of utter exhaustion (aka after 32k) I’ll think of each of you and smile.
I cannot express my thanks enough.
Much Love, and thank you, from the bottom of my big-old-slowly-getting-fit heart
I hate the concept of “living for the weekends,” but lately I feel that’s all I’ve been doing, which means I am today’s official sponsor of the ‘TGIF’ motto.
Because really, I feel like this week nearly drowned me with work, running, studying, organizing my life (laundry/cleaning), all while trying to still have a life. (side note: I had a glass of (delicious) red wine last night, which I can honestly say I felt tipsy from (my university-self-would-be-so-disappointed).
Sometimes I’m shocked at my weekend schedules, as the majority of weekeends in my life? zero plans… that is, until I started running.
Toronto’s Marathon Expo tonight (ya… I moved my date to next week, you know you’re cool when…),
Followed by a carb-loading dinner with my running mates,
Early to bed (hopefully)
Horse-riding all morning (can. not. wait.),
Shopping for my race-outfit/birthday gift
A homecooked birthday dinner for a good friend Saturday night.
Sunday starts at the crack of dawn (ugh), as I’m running the Scotiabank Half Marathon at 7:30am,
Then cheering on my fellow comrades as they finish the full,
A late brunch with my favourites,
Departing for Montreal at 6pm.
The question of “when am I going to pack for Montreal?” has yet to be answered, as is OMIGOD WHERE IS MY PASSPORT? I had that realization last night, and freaked out as I searched EVERYWHERE for it. I have two that are missing (my EU and Canadian), so surely one must be somewhere in my room. Eeeek.
Can you imagine… not being able to run the Chicago marathon because I’m an idiot and didn’t think about my passport? I’d be like one of those stupid girls on ANTM, who know they’re going on the show, and yet don’t bring their passports. FOOLS (<— that’s me included).
Tonight? Why tonight I’m going to leave work at precisely 5:00pm. Head to dinner with a friend (where a salad will be ordered), and then head straight to the couch. Once at the couch I will lie horizontally for an embarrising amount of time, while I knock off The Biggest Loser, Gossip Girl, ANTM, Mad Men, Glee, Modern Family, Being Erica, and 90210 off my TiVo.
Tonight can’t come soon enough. I am exhausted from life, and my 10k (from hell) yesterday.
I don’t want to run tonight. It’s a 10k that combines speed and hills, and my legs feel heavy, and I just have no desire to do it. But I will, because the marathon is in 17 days and I am honestly freakin the f*ck out.
One of my pet peeves is girls who are skinny, and then are all like, “eww, I’m fat.” But the scary thing is, on my previous before/after post, I don’t really see a big difference… but then y’all replied, and what-not (thank you!!) and I wondered if I was one of those annoying girls… because I seriously feel I look the same.
I missed The Biggest Loser, Glee and Gossip Girl last night. Tragedy.
I have a date on Friday night, but am debating postponing it, to go to the Marathon Expo with my running group (it’s Toronto’s Marathon this Sunday, I’m running the 1/2 ps).
Last week, a boy in my running group asked me for my number, to which I awkwardly replied, ‘yeeessssssssss,’ but then never gave it to him (not interested). I am so awkward sometimes.
I ate Mr. Greek for lunch yesterday (omigod it was so effing good, but then I felt guilty ALL DAY LONG, but magically (love you scale gods) weighed less this morning.)
I still do not consider myself “a runner.” And sometimes at the end of really, really long runs, I feel like I faked my way through it.
I leave for Montreal on Sunday, after my 1/2 marathon, and after an intense cheering session for the full marathoners. It’s gonna be a busy day.
I am 100% going to cry when I cross the marathon finish line. 100%.
Someone sent me a message that I need “to wear a push-up bra.” I will forever be self conscious of my boobs (thanks a.hole)
People keep messaging me they “found out who I am.” I don’t know what they want me to reply… Honestly? I really don’t care…
Being anonymous is becoming a pain in the arse.
I really, really want to win the lottery, so I can be lazy.
Did I mention 17 days until THE MARATHON?
I really hate the font/bold/size of my new blog format, but don’t know how to change it. I also hate how it won’t input spaces, instead it indents. Whose smart idea was that?
I’m really tired today.
I hate how when a guy likes me, I don’t like them. The older I get, the more of an actual problem this becomes.
I have become obsessed lately with looking at WEDDING DRESSES online. I have, however, found my perfect dress. Just gotta lose 40 pounds and gain $8,900 and I’ll be set, oh… plus find a guy who actually likes me, and I like him… dammit, this sounds impossible from all angles.
Yesterday, after my 6k run, when my running group was stretching, this guy came up to me, and patted me on the back and said, “Wow, I really admire you.” Nice? no. Fo-shizzle he was saying, "I really admire you’re running a Marathon when you’re FAT."
Who I want to be, is not currently who I am. But I don’t really know who I want to be.
Between you, me, and the sunrise, I think I’ve figured out what’s wrong. I think I’ve figured out why I’m not losing weight.
Weight loss is simple; calories in, must be less than calories out. Which means I’ve been maintaining/gaining weight because my calories in? greater than my calories out (which is quite the feat with all the running I’ve been doing).
I’m not stupid, I know what food is good to eat, and what food is bad. For the last few days, weeks, months year I’ve been stumbling through life eating well the majority of the time, but not losing a pound.
But today, dear diary, I figured out why!
Frankly, I think I’ve been in denial for the past year.
But I’m not anymore.
It’s actually very simple; (drum roll please…) I binge eat. There, I said it. Again? Yes, ‘again’ because I’ve dealt with this before, except last time I’d binge and then purge, but now I know better than to do that (poor teeth and tummy). This time? this time I’m simply binging.
But here’s the kicker, I binge eat on healthy food; I think that’s why I’ve been fooling myself for so long. Oh no, it’s not chocolate bars and chips I guzzle down in the middle of the night, it’s plain yogurt tubs with honey, oatmeal packets, apples and grapes…
But like I said, it’s simple: calories in, must be less than calories out. I can eat healthy until I’m blue in the face, but until I figure out why the eff I feel the need to stuff my face when I’m not even hungry, I won’t be able to lose weight.
So what now? I have no idea,
All I can hope is realizing and acknowledging it, is the 1st step in the right direct.
And how are you? Excellent, I hope, as per the usual. This past long (because-I-had-Monday-off) weekend proved all types of awesome, and now I am back at work, sitting in my usual corner, counting down the hours until this Friday at 5pm.
These are some points from September 10th to 13th simply to ensure I don’t forget, because seriously y’all my memory is like a gold fish’s. What’s that? You really don’t care about my daily life? meh! I tell you meh! And here. I. go.
I slept for 12 hours Friday night. What can I say? I was exhausted from watching a beautiful sunset, and catching up on trashy, yet awesome tv shows (Big Brother, Bachelor Pad, ANTM, Rookie Blue ect.)
Saturday I headed to a coffee joint (2nd Cup, which is definitely no Starbucks) to meet a friend and study. But honestly? I just people watched the whole morning. Things to note, within this point: I am honestly so intrigued slash creepily obsessed with watching over weight girls. I first always note their outfits, and then their mannerisms, and without a doubt I ponder whether they’re happy or not, aka I wonder if they would like to lose weight. I know, I know, I’m totally doing to them, what I’m terrified of others doing to me… but I can’t help it, I’m just so intrigued…
I headed down to Cherry beach with my brother this weekend, as he was home from school. He called me “vain,” I laughed a lot to that, but that also got me thinking… post to come on this later.
Sat night I partied like it was 1999 with my friends for a birthday extravaganza. False. I showed up and wanted to shoot back jagerbombs with my friends, but instead watched them get drunk awesome, and drove them in my car mom’s van to the bar around 11pm. “Bye guys, I’ll just go park the Vanny and then see you guys in there.” Cue me driving home and going to bed. Whaaaa? Well, I had an 8am run the next morning, it was $20 cover, and raining cats n’ dogs. (Oh the sacrifices one must make for 42.2)
Sunday was a ballin’ day. I ran a near perfect 23k (14.3 miles) and felt no shin splints!! This truly was an act of God, as the day before I felt them in full force. Post to come on this titled, ”E discovers how to get rid of shin splints.”
The rest of Sunday I pretty much ate. I went to brunch with my running peeps (chicken fajitas), Starbucks with a friend (grande mild. Always and forever), dinner uptown on my local main street with a friend (greek salad chicken wrap with side salad), and then Starbucks again (no-caffeine peppermint tea). All in all, delicious super-calorie-filled-omigod-booo day.
Monday I went horse riding all day, which naturally means it was a perfect day. Not to mention the shopping I also did in the evening.
My weight? Oh… right… that’s all you folks care about. **OMIGOD! What’s that super, shiny thing over there… excuse me, I simply have to go see it!**
I’ve never thought of myself as a weak person; medical wise that is.
When SARS swept through Canada I managed to dodge that bullet. When Swine Flu seeped through the city, I skillfully avoided that nightmare. I rarely get the sniffles, and although I sometimes lose my voice, and occasionally faint, I rarely have something wrong with me.
Until I started running that is.
I have encountered every running ache known to man. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I’ve had:
I have been stopped in my track, during these critical training days, by shin-splints.
Yesterday I opted out of speed training and hit the elliptical at the gym for ½ an hour, and ran lightly (we’re talking 8min/km or 12:50min/mile) on the treadmill for ½ an hour.
I still felt it.
I’m been icing my leg on and off for about 2 hours a day. I got new shoes (the same as my old ones, as they have got the best support for over pronation) and in a final scramble for help, I booked myself an appointment with my sports doctor for next Thursday (the soonest I could get).
There may or may not have been lots of tears in the last few days, as the pain is sometimes so bad I have to squeeze my eyes tight to get my mind off it.
And then the thought of not being able to finish the marathon on October 10th? Well don’t even get me started on that, as just the mere thought makes me feel sick.
I’ve spent a kabillion hours googling shin splints, and it looks like “rest” is the only, real option. But obs, time isn’t on my side…
I know I only have one right leg, and there will be many marathons, but… well, let’s not even go there. The Marathon will happen…
Sept 26: 1/2 Marathon (followed by cheering my heart out for my full marathon friends - this is the goal-marathon for my running group, hence I’ll know quite a few people. Oh yes, there will be signs.)
Sept 26 - 30: Montreal for work!! This will be my 1st ever work-travel trip. I’m taking an extra day to explore the city and am already so excited for this!!
October 9 - 12: Chicago!! Sightseeing/shopping/eating!