“Because I’ve lost so much weight it makes me wonder why other people can’t do it. I don’t mean to be rude, but I mean, it’s definitely not easy but it’s not that hard either. You just have to be extremely determined, I guess.”—
I read that quote a few days ago on HungerStrike’s tumblr. She is amazing. I remember coming across her site a few weeks ago, seeing her and not following her, because I thought she was one of those people. Those people who weigh 120 (to start with) and are aiming for 100. Oh how wrong, wrong, wrong I was!
She’s lost over ONE HUNDRED POUNDS (look at how tiny she is) and says it how it is: Losing weight = Exercise + Watching what you eat. THERE IS NO SECRET.
The above quote really stuck with me when I read it last week. I remember when I had just lost 30 pounds thinking that too, ‘this isn’t that hard? why did I ever think it was? why do other people struggle with losing weight so much?’ Well, I’m one of those other people now.
Yesterday I counted my calories. Yesterday I shocked myself. On my “good food days” I was hitting about 1,500 calories. Enough calories to MAINTAIN my weight, which means on my ‘bad food days” I was/am hitting enough calories to GAIN weight.
Rough realization. I need to cut back my food a lot. The warmer weather is just around the corner (umm hello 25°C this long weekend!!) which means swimming, cottages, bathing suits, summer dresses, running, and skirts are here. I still weigh 165. STILL. I can’t break through the nightmare that is the 160s. I want to say, “this is it, it’s now or never” ect. but don’t want to sound like a broken record player.
She’s right though. She’s right by saying that quote, losing weight isn’t that hard, we all know what makes us fat, and what doesn’t. it comes down to determination, and maybe I’m just not determined enough…
I’m currently watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s, my food for tomorrow is prepared in the fridge, my room is tidy, laundry is done, nails are newly painted and my running clothes are packed for tomorrow’s run.
Happy Sunday night. I’m excited for a healthy week, new start, and most importantly a short week!
“I think had you not been overweight in highschool you would have come home pregnant by your 17th birthday.”—
Quote of the day: My mom.
I laughed out loud at this. Apparently my mom thinks I would have been a sloot back-in-the-day, had I not been tubby. I suppose that’s looking at the glass half full in regards to being fat… Phew, close call on being a teen mom. Carbs finally came in handy!
Has involved me calling people to interview them for my ASSISTANT POSITION. I’ve never been on this side of the phone call before and have concluded I’m the worst person to do this - as I’m way too casual and nice. I don’t mean to lead people on, but think I do…
Questions for my future (awesome) assistant include, but are not limited to:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
If you were a tree, what tree would you be and why?
Do you like McDonald’s, and would you be willing to share your fries with me?
Do you like online shopping? and long lunches?
God, I’m going to be such an awesome boss, like whoa.
i weighed 165 this morning. make no mistake, this does not define me
work has been furiously busy this week, hence the lack of random thoughts
coming soon, gun show
gym tonight at 5:30. gonna pump some iron. gonna shed some lard
i’m seeing alice in de wonderland tonight. in 3D. with mind altering substances. mind will be blown.
domincan trip is in 28 days. domican body is being stubborn
i am very behind on the blogs i follow. this secretly makes me happy - something to look forward to.
last week i also cut down on the blogs i read. it was actually quite the compliment to the blogs i removed from my google-reader. they made me feel crappy about my own life. ya - i’ve got that low self confidence.
i saw a cute, little girl in the perfect yellow dress yesterday. my ovaries knocked together. i quickly put them in their place
my biggest current concern is whether I should get bangs again,decisions, decisions.
my eyelashes are awesome. conceited much? hell no, ‘just’ $170 for a bottle of lilash and you too can have awesome lashes. it work’s y’all. i am proof. ps i want to show you guys before/after pics so badly, but can’t. Le Sigh
i am on day 4 of a 10 day Crest whitening teeth program. boring fact #11
the weekend is 17.2hours of work away… boring fact #12
i just realized i don’t pay rent this month (due to the whole first/last month’s rent thing when i moved in) how amazing is that?
i swear the lindt chocolate bunnies are calling my name from the store windows. they’re perfect and beautiful and a quick google tells me they’ll go straight to my ass if i stare them in the eye and/or devour one
today marks day 5 of No-Diet-Coke-Pop-E. whoa. think about that. i single handily support coca-cola’s central division and am straight up an addict. quitting is harder than i thought it would be…
Well, there’s 3 minutes of your life you can never get back. Sorry (<— lie)
I write what I feel in a moment of time; my fingers hit the keyboard and I’m hardly thinking, just writing. I tend to write about my feelings in that moment, my thoughts on myself, my thoughts about the decisions I’ve made, the regret I have for the fat on my stomach, and for saying one thing and doing another. And then I walk away.
I walk away from that post. Walk away from those words, the words that at some point meant so much to me. And I forget. I forget my thoughts, my feelings, my concerns.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
This morning I woke up thinking about my post from last night (this hardly ever happens). It made me really think beyond that moment last night. I am the only one to blame. I am the only one who can do this for me. No magic beans are going to come my way. I won’t ever squeeze my eyes tight, count to 3 and then find myself skinny (I legit used to do this, ya… I know).
Losing weight is hard work. Losing weight takes a long time.
There’s nobody to blame but myself. My greatest hopes could become my reality in the future. I hold the future in my hands. And now is the time to rise to the challenge
At the end of the day, when you’re lying in bed, there’s nobody to blame but yourself. You lived your day. You made your decisions. You lived your life.
Nobody to blame, but you. Nobody to blame, but me.
I made those decisions, one by one, I made them. I put the chocolate in my mouth. I justified it with excuses. I did it. At the end of the day there’s nobody to blame but me.
I dream before I fall sleep. I make wishes, and promises and let my heart go where it pleases. It always goes to the same place. To that place, to my place. The place where size small summer dresses grace my body, with bright coloured bikini strings tied around my neck, where white tshirts are worn with jeans and most importantly it’s the place where my mind never wonders about my weight; not even a little bit, not even at all.
The promises, the wishes, the hopes all don’t matter. I can pray, I can wish, I can hope… but without the commitment, without that moment’s decision none of it matters, and the horrible thing is I know this.
I can’t complain any more. I won’t complain any more. Not to you, Not to myself. Because at the end of the day, when I’m lying in bed there’s nobody to blame but myself.
I would just like to add to the one-twenty-five love-fest because it is well-deserving! Your blog is so perfectly charming! I love your humor and tone of writing and I love the genuine honesty that is evident in each post. Please never stop blogging - your brighten my dash! And if you ever do stop blogging, would you be so kind as to write a personal newsletter and send it to my e-mail each day? ;)
Oh and a health question - TELL ME HOW TO GET MY LEGS AND LUNGS TO LOVE RUNNING! Like, how can I wake up a runner? Without actually going through the agony of training my body....
Again, another awesome compliment for me? For me! Whoa! This whole “messages” thing should really be called, “Boost E’s Confidence Box,” because no lie that’s what it does. So THANK YOU! People complimenting my writing style always makes me gasp as me a writer? My, oh my how my high school English teacher would disagree, but thank you!
LOVE RUNNING? I don’t know what you mean? I certainly don’t love running, not even a little bit, not even at all. Every single time I run it’s effort, it’s work, it’s a whole much pf profanities mumbled under my breath. I do remember a few times wanting to run last summer, which I would credit to craving the routine of it, freeing my mind, seeing the sunsets, but not because I loved running. Sadly one can’t just wake up and just be a runner without going through the steps and being consistent. But isn’t that better? It’ll mean so much more to you once you’re there.
However, I have a sneaky feeling you already knew there was no shortcut, no? Trust me if there was one? I would have been all over it. I’m lazy like that.
Good luck finding your running legs, you can and will!!, but IT WILL TAKE WORK. Lots, and lots of it. Tres Sigh.
Ps I’m removing my “messages” function. Thank you to all who asked, commented and read!
So just sayin'.... I LOVE your blog and I love the voice in your writing. You're fabulous!
P.S.- I've lost 16 lbs. since I started following you. :) You remind me to keep going when I want to stay curled up in bed.
Like, fo reals. This is amazing! Whether my blog correlates to the 16 pounds or not, I’m not sure… but HOLY SMOKES that’s awesome. hehe.
I find it extraordinary that I’ve lost NO weight recently, yet managed to inspire others - that’s so incredible. If I ever (haha I so won’t) advertise my blog I’ll use you as a witness to the blogging world’s power!
Today I will celebrate life as if I’ve just lost the 16 pounds you’ve lost, thus living vicariously through you! Why? Because that’s just how I roll!
Happy Saturday and thank you for sharing that amazing comment! You da bomb. Tru Dat.
I dragged my ass out of bed this morning at 9am and tied up my running shoes against my body’s will and went for a pretty solid 7k (4.3mile) run. It was FREEZING, but I pushed myself which was pretty awesome.
I took a steamy hot shower and then curled my hair making it look all messy-natural (but it actually took FOREVER to do)
I then met my good friend who I hadn’t seen in forever in Little Italy (Utopia on College) where I ate the most delicious salad EVER. Like OMIGOD ever. I will try and duplicate it and show you. Hmmm mushrooms…
I’m now in a coffee shop writing, emails, answering questions, and studying
I ordered a lemon tea, which in and of itself was an INCREDIBLE victory as this place serves the most delicious caramel latte’s one could ever imagine and the baked good have been calling my name since I got here (those sneaky, delicious devils)
Tonight I’ll be heading to a 90s Themed Birthday party for the one and only BFF, the party is even set in her parent’s basement - no lie. I tried to find my old modrobes (anyone? anyone?) and blue eye shadow and butterfly clips to truly be the 90s version of myself. Luckily all those things are not in my life anymore. Phew.
Happy Saturday Y’all! Enjoy it wherever you are for Monday we work!
E...I felt like I had to comment after reading since this fall. When I first started following you I had just began my running journey and then completed my first 5k in Nov. There were definitely times that I wanted to stop, but I was like if E can run a half marathon I can run 3 freakin miles. Well guess what, I just signed up for the Chicago Marathon so I WILL see you there and we WILL be rockin our fabulous bodies! Keep it up and you will lose that 1 pound and then another and another :)
This? This is one of my favourite parts about blogging!!!!!!!! OMIGOSH that’s SO EXCITING! I stand in awe of you! Congrats 26.2 times on making the commitment! Can’t wait!
Email me!! firstname.lastname@example.org!
Ps Yes, yes every single one of those exclamations was deserved :)
This is not really a question, just a little insight. Sometimes you may jump on the scale and see a pound gained, in most cases if you are sticking to plan, going to the gym and eating right just ignore it, just remember we gain muscle! And muscle weighs a hell lot more then fat, I remember my weight loss was up and down and I couldn't work it out but after speaking to my trainer and realising how much toning exercises we were doing, we took measurements - I lost cm around my waistline, legs, arms etc but I gained a pound and all I gained was muscle :)
So make sure you keep that in mind - muscle and water retention! Keep a measuring log. That is the best way to know what you have lost, because it does come down to the cm's or inches etc when it comes to fitting into your perfect dress.
Yes - this is all very, very true! I took measurements waybackwhen, which I should look up and compare to my size today. I’ve always found it hard to measure myself… I never remember exactly where I measured myself the time before (even if its the largest area) hence I don’t often do it as I can convince myself either way…
BUT i may just post another youtube video of The Pink Plaid Shirt… as umm yea… my weight may not have changed, but the shirt is certainly looser on me! Woot woot!
Heya, firstly love the blog. Secondly, I'm taking the weight-loss goals pretty seriously at the moment too. But, I have a question! Do you find it harder to lose weight in the cold months too? I lost 65 pounds June-August, but I've only lost 10 since.
1) Merci, thank you so much!
2) Congrats on losing 75 pounds! Ummm amazing much? That’s so awesome! If I ever, nay WHEN I reach 125 I will have lost 75 pounds. Crazy.
Anywho, to answer your question I had never actually thought about it until you asked, but when I think about it I think you’re right! It’s so much easier to be active, outside and eat salads in the summer - not to mention the summer clothes of skimpy dresses and bathing suits staring you in the face each day. And in the winter? Well… I just want to be cozy, and warm, and hibernate with buckets full of carbs, which translates into me being and staying FAT.
However I know my slow winter-weight-loss was purely from being stupid and drinking beer. Perhaps for you after losing 65 pounds in 3 months (again, whoa - amazing!) your body may have just slowed down as (and I’m sure you already know this) it becomes harder to lose weight the smaller you get… thus conclusion: I think it is harder in the winter, but there may be other factors.
You put a lot out there, more than a lot of us fitblrs do. What can we your loyal followers do to help you? It seems only fair!
This question made me blush, and then smile, and then blush some more. Thank you for even thinking of these kind words. The answer? The answer is simple, keep reading, listening, liking, emailing and being simply awesome.
That’s all I ask. I appreciate the advice, the comments, and the all around love I receive from people reading my humble story. It keeps me going, it keeps me moving, it keeps me thinking.
I’ve kept a Dear Diary since I was a little girl, but moving it onto the Internet was the best thing I’ve ever done. A diary that can talk back, give advice, answer questions, give you love and support? Yes please.
I received an email today that said, “And I feel like I’m so invested in you succeeding," those words really struck a cord with me. It’s hard to put into words how much I appreciate the sincere support and encouragement I receive from complete strangers.
Thank you for asking me such an amazing question, thank you for reading and thank you for supporting me, that’s all I ask.
I've been following you for quite some time. I was worried that taking the scale away might allow you to veer off course. I know that it would make me do the same.. not having that accountability and all.
So I'm curious. This is a weight loss blog.. and we are all watching your (and sharing the same) struggles and well, I don't think I'm the only one who wants to know: Just how much did you gain from not being held accountable?
Thank you for following, reading, and wondering…
Firstly, word to the wise: do NOT ever remove your scale, EVER. Your scale is your friend, your partner, your guru. Use it and abuse it. It’s incredibly easy to convince yourself that you’ve lost weight, when you haven’t. Case in point:
I am now sitting at 165. Which was a 3 pound gain, BUT I thought I had been LOSING weight. I was expecting to see the 150s nodoubtaboutit.
Looking back on my scale-less days I often thought, “whatever I’m sure I’m still losing weight, this won’t affect me.” WRONG.
I’m still finding it really hard to get my head-in-the-game and fully commit. I want to lose weight so badly, but it looks like justnotenough. I have all the right tools, the knowledge, the support in front of me, but you can take a horse to water, but can’t make it drink…
I’m not giving up though. Never will. I learnt something from that debacle and won’t make that mistake again.
I am heading to the gym at 5 to run AND workout with the trainer. When you fall down, brush off your knees and get back up, right? Right.
Hello, do you know me? If you don’t, you should. I’m a pound of fat, And I’m the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet. Want to know why? It’s because no one ever wants to lose me; I’m ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!
Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds, or fifteen pounds, but never only one. So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.
Then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to notice it. That is, until I’ve grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.
Yes, it’s fun being ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT, left to do as I please. Oh, and when you weigh in, keep right on saying, “Oh, I only lost one pound.” For you see, if you do this, you’ll encourage others to keep me around because they’ll think I’m not worth losing.
And, I love being around you - your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips and every part of you. Oh Happy Days! After all, I’m ONLY ONE POUND OF FAT!!!
i do not derserve a treat because it’s Friday afternoon i do not derserve a treat because it’s Friday afternoon i do not derserve a treat because it’s Friday afternoon i do not derserve a treat because it’s Friday afternoon i do not derserve a treat because it’s Friday afternoon
If I say it enough times, maybe, just maybe I’ll belive it…
I had a moment last night/right now, a moment where I realized just how superficial my life is. The realization that the top thing in my life, the thing that consumes my brain the majority of each, and every day is quite possibly the most shallow thing on this earth; what do I look like? Do I look fat? What will people think of me?
I’ve even created a blog about it, a blog to showcase my obsession with the way I look, with my obsession with food, my obsession with the number on the scale.
It’s embarrassing. It really is. Sometimes I’ll be walking along and shudder at the thought of all the energy and effort I’ve put into losing weight WHEN I’M STILL OVER WEIGHT. OMYGOD.
I used to wish I was thin, now I just wish I could stop thinking about it.
Relatively new follower here. My question is, how did you get the courage to tell your story? Specifically, I am very impressed by all the ladies and gents on Tumblr who are completely free about sharing their numbers (i.e. weights, weight losses). I wish I could do the same, but to me, it's embarrassing to share that kind of info, since I have IRL friends that follow me on here. How did you overcome this fear, and has sharing helped you on your journey?
Thanks for the inspiration!
I’ve sat on this question for a few days now, and have started a response 2 or 3 times, but every time didn’t like my answer. I suppose the honest answer is ignorance is bliss, and thus I live in a (fabulous) lala-land-world where I believe no one I know actually reads this blog or ever will.
It is incredibly scary though. OMIGOD. WHAT IF SOMEONE IN MY REAL LIFE WORLD FOUND THIS BLOG AND READ ALL MY SECRETS, HOPES, DREAMS. WISHES AND…. OH GOD, MY WEIGHT. I would instantly die, right then and there.
Despite knowing my weight doesn’t define me,it’s terrifying to know someone could judge me because of it, “ewww she weighs *insert mass here.*” So. Freakin. Scary. Being anonymous is probably the only reason I can post my weight and not blush. You’re all strangers (ps hello out there!) so I don’t mind if you know my weight, and/or secrets. I fully understand how hard it would be to post your weight and stats, if your friends are reading your blog, hence on my other blog (non-weight blog) I never touch these issues – weigh (<— see what I did there?) too scary.
Case in point: I still get scared, and can’t bring myself to share my weight with real-life friends, but being anonymous helps me remove that barrier and get over the embarrassment of my statistics, without anonymity 125 wouldn’t be what it is…
In regards to, does blogging help lose weight? Yes! Yes and yes! See here
Thanks for the question – made me think.
Ps To answer your blog question, i started weigh-in-Wednesday because I liked the alliteration. I’m simple like that :) hehe Also, if you encounter a calorie-fulled weekend you can still recover.
One of the greatest things about life is you can always start over.
Always. You can always take a new moment, and with it start a new chapter in your life. It doesn’t matter how badly you’ve messed up with food, drinking, sex, drugs, boys, emotions, family, life… you can always start fresh.
I messed up this weekend. I’m starting new tomorrow. I’m starting new right now.
The person I want to be is attainable, I know I’m better than the person I was this weekend. I deserve more than empty compliments, than being a joke, than having him whisper promise you’ll tell no one. I deserve more…
Tomorrow I start new. Tomorrow I hold my head up high, and be the girl I know I am. I’m better than that. I’m better than him. I know that that now.
One of the greatest things about life is you can always start over. Always. I’m starting over right now.
Scrap that last post, apparently boys and booze are what the sirens were to Odysseus, to me.
Except to ensure he wasn’t lured in by the Siren’s voices, Odysseus had his men bound him tightly to the mast of the ship, NO BODY IS HERE TO TIE ME TO MY COUCH. OMIGOD…. must re-frame from cute boys and alcoholic beverages.
It’s settled then. I’m going. I heard you whisper that across the Internet to me. Excellent. We’re on the same page.
Maybe, just maybe tonight will be my night, the night I meet my leading man, my knight in shining armour with chizzled cheek bones, and abs of steel… just maybe.
I doubt it, but all I know is sitting at home watching bad tv (shh tv, it’s o.k I still love you, no disrespect) won’t help me meet people.. aka boys. aka Boys who treat me right.
Being single takes effort. And so off I go… I’m thinking of wearing this shirt.… depends on the spare tire action I have going on…
Happy Friday night,
Ps Don’t pretend like you’re not impressed with my Greek mythology reference, I know you are, God… even I am.