Holy shit. I just realized tomorrow is December 1st. As in Advent calendars start tomorrow. As in I am going to bed right now to make the morning (yes morning, because who has the will power to eat their chocolate after noon?) come faster. It's like Advent-Calendar-Eve, and I, for one, am super excited!!!
If you’re judging me for being this excited about a little piece of cheap-tasting chocolate. I’m judging you for not.
Speaking of running in the cold, what do you wear? I have no idea how many layers to rock
Hello Anonymous Friend,
Excellent question. And to be honest, I’m learning as I’m going. So far I’ve only hit up 2 layers (3 including my brazier), have only graduated to capris pants (thus still showing some calf skin) and have been perfectly warm.
So far, the worst part about winter running is the first 5 minutes, but then I get fairly toasty (although my fingers take a while to get circulation).
On Saturday I knocked out a 16k run (10 miles) in minus 2 weather (28F), and for the 1st time wore gloves, and a wind breaker (with 1 shirt under), besides the blizzard-like conditions, and the strong yearning for goggles, as I could hardly see, I was very warm.
I also always wear reflector lights (arm bands I can slap on), so I can be seen, as wouldn’t it be shitty to get hit by a car running? What a terrible way to go – doing something I really don’t love.
Jan 2011 I’m starting my 2nd official marathon training clinic, and will be running in “up to minus 30 (-22F) weather,” so I’ll try and update what I wear, and as the weather gets colder.
But so far? Around 0’C means 2 layers, and maybe gloves.
Hope this helps (for now), I will stay on top of my ‘Winter-Running-Wardrobe’ posts, as I’m learning as I go, and want a record of it too.
Thanks for asking,
And any other tips out there would be appreciated :)
You don't know me and never will. I don't really know you. But I want to tell you something that I hope you believe.
You are worth it.
Not in the sense that everyone is worth it and everyone's special blah blah blah. Because bascially that means no one is worth anything.
I want you to know, and I want you to believe. You. Are. Worth. It.
Do you know that that means? It means that you need to stop hating yourself. You need to stop telling yourself those aweful things. You need to stop treating yourself worse that you treat anyone else.
Right now, you are probably reading this and not really comprehending or believing. I want you to please, believe, even for a second.
You are worth it.
We are all flawed. We all make mistakes. Have some compassion. And love. For yourself.
I want you to know that you will never know me. You will may never even believe me. But I believe in you. I believe that not only will you achieve you goals, but you will believe in yourself. And see yourself for who you are. Because i do. And I believe you are worth it.
- A loyal reader
Sometimes, when I have 10 or 20 minutes to kill, I climb into my bed, wrap my covers around me, curl up into the fetal position, and get cozy and warm. I then simply lie there for a few minutes, being quiet, feeling safe, and thinking about nothing. Then I get out of bed, and get back to my day.
in sleeping in and eyeliner [not together] high heels, but also flats the power of a thank you and the importance of a please kissing in public places, stealing kisses, [really just kissing in general] flannel pajamas and christmas lights birthday cards, and thank you notes, rain boots, and yellow umbrellas cheese and grapes [I would so eat them together] argyle sweaters [all colour combinations] princess band-aids and princess tiaras [preferably together] the perfect blue pen long lists and fine tipped markers [and new yellow highlighters] using google as a dictionary [although this often doesn’t work] handwritten letters and excel organization charts mcdonald’s french fries or ice cream [i am not below eating them together] warm beds, with cold pillows [that’s seriously the best] pink nail polish, [with purple toes] hot baths, with lots of bubbles. and not a place to be in the world dog walks in pea coats holding hands and favourite songs being under country skies on open roads the smell of leather saddles, or leather boots love and loud music [but only when it’s appropriate] saving the tabs of pop cans for wheelchairs [always] and weekends with nothing to do.
Dear Asshole(s?) who keep Anonymously messaging me about my grammar, or lack thereof, skills.
Firstly, I have NEVER in my life thought I write well, I’ve never said I write well, and I haven’t taken a writing/English/grammar course since, oh I don’t know, grade 12.
I took business/economics/math through university and those are the things my current job is comprised of. I am fully aware of my terrible grammar/spelling errors, however your little, rude, spiteful messages always shock me, so really, mission accomplished.
All I will say is I hope to one day improve my writing, and I’d bet a lot of money, I’d scold you on a derivative/options/bond/econometrics math exam.
That is all,
Oh, and I would remove the ‘anonymous’ feature, but I know there are some readers out there who don’t have tumblrs, and would still like to ask (nice) questions.
I love lollipops. But don’t eat them, nearly as often as I’d like.
I am officially on the V8 train. I used to think the idea of veggies turned into juice was disgusting, but now? And for 70 cals? How delicious.
I can conquer blackberry’s sudoku in: hard 6:51, med: 4:53, and easy: 3:59. Believe it.
I still hate the actual act of running, but the high after is a drug I can’t get enough of.
If I had one wish, it wouldn’t be to be skinny, WHA? It be to be an American citizen. Seriously, you people complain about your country so much, but it’s amazing!! Also, I understand most Canadians disowned me from this point, but: NYC, Chicago, Boston (I rest my case).
If I won the lottery, I think I’d keep my current lifestyle for the next year, only travel more. A lot more.
I think I’m going to sign up for a college creative writing course in the New Year. I’ve always wanted to write more, but know I really suck at it (stop judging me for my errors y’all, I know I suck.)
Yes to everything bright, and yes to everything scarfs.
One of my favourite movie quotes (although I didn’t like the move at all) is from Closer. Julia roberts tells Natalie Portman, “you’re so beautiful,” and she responds, “isn’t everybody?” I truly believe this.
My last meal? Big Mac and fries. Judge all you want, but holy hell they’re delicious. (Side note: I don’t think I’ve eaten one in the last 3 years)
Death and prisons are both SO fascinating to me. Like, creepily so. I spend a lot of time reading sad facebook groups of people who have passed away, or reading obituaries, and then always wonder what would happen if I died. (Second side note: My sister has my tumblr passwords, so if I randomly die (tear), y’all will know. I’m thoughtful like that)
My favourite colour isn’t pink, but yellow. But I do really love pink.
I have a BIG BIG BIG secret to tell you, but can’t (for now), and as I suck at secrets, it’s really hard for me not to shout it to you in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS.
On my “Top 10 Favourite Things To Do In Life” list, you’d find spooning at #2.
#1? That’s one secret, I’ll never tell.
People who are music snobs annoy me. I was declared “tone deaf” in grade four. Saddest day ever, but also happiest day ever, as I seriously think ALL music is AMAZING.
I honestly think I’m the laziest person I know. NOTHING beats being cozy in bed (except #1 - 3 on my “top 10 favourite things to do in life” list, thus “being cozy in bed” takes the #4 spot.)
I’ve never been in love. I thought I was once, but definitely wasn’t (oh what a young, naïve 18 year old I was). I believe it’ll be worth the wait.
I am terrified of snakes. Terrified. I can’t even see a photo/picture of one, without freaking out, even the giant furry ones in Ikea scare me. I missed half the Britney Spears Glee episode, as I was too scared to watch it, just-in-case that DISGUSTING yellow snake thing was featured. Spiders however I am fine with.
My celebrity crush is Gerard Butler, but I really don’t follow celebrity news/gossip, and with the exception of Gerard, Emma Watson and The Olsen Twins, I don’t think I’d get “star struck” for anyone. I think I’d faint if I met The Olsen Twins.
The first thing I notice on other people are their cheek bones.
My favourite flower? White orchids. They’re so beautiful, I can’t imagine anyone not loving them.
I am a hopeless romantic. Hopeless.
With the exception of Love Actually and Shawshank Redemption, I never watch movies twice. Those two I can watch on repeat. Come to think of it, I’m really not a ‘movie person.’
I am really excited for my 26th Birthday (Dec 3rd!!), and I don’t even know why (<— lie. I do know, but mum’s the word on this one: please see #13).
There is something seriously wrong with my priorities.
And on that note, I am off to Victoria Secret, then Starbucks. What? You thought writing it out would change my bad habits? The bad habits that are embedded in me to the bone? Oh… well isn’t this awkward….
Despite being unhappy with myself, my body, my arms, my butt, my stomach, my thighs… all of it really, I seem to have just given up and settled.
I find bursts of motivation to lose weight and eat less, spread sporadically throughout each day, however, never during the moments food is directly in front of me.
I can literally be holding a cookie and be thinking about upcoming events, clothes, boys, this blog, running etc. and then happily chomp down the cookie.
I have NO motivation and NO self discipline, and honestly spend the majority of most days thinking about food, and in turn, wondering what’s wrong with me, for thinking about the food.
I honestly need a food slapper in my life. Someone who will hover over me, at all times, and monitor my food, as if I were a dog. [That’s what it’s come to, I’m comparing myself to a dog.]
If a dog needs to lose weight, the human will simply restrict their food, and the dog will thus lose their lard. However, I am not a dog, which means I’m the only person in this world who can restrict the food that I eat; I’m 25 (26 in 12 days, eek!!) for crying out loud, and I STILL weigh 165.
I still want to lose 40 pounds. I’m still unhappy with myself. And bitch about what I look like the whole time. I’m all talk and no action.
ALL TALK and NO ACTION.
There needs to be a day 1. And then a day 2. A day 2 where I can think about how well I did on day 1. And then a day 365, where I can think about how awesome the previous year has been.
Occasionally I find some strength beneath my gut, and will eat well for about 48 hours, and think I’ve conquered my weight loss issues, and thus can celebrate with carbs and cookies and sugar, and then wash, rinse, repeat.
I’m a food addict in every sense of the term.
I love it and hate it, am obsessed with it, will lie about it, will eat alone not to be judged, will spend money I don’t have on it, will think about it constantly, and will feel guilty about it after.
But maybe, just maybe, admitting you’re an addict it the first step?
Despite the shitacular movement of my waistline (o.k, that’s false, my clothes actually feel looser - WHA?!), there are lots of happy things in life to think about:
Christmas is near. I know this because my Barbie Advent calender is sitting proudly on my desk, the Christmas decorations are up at my work, and my iPod is fully loaded with Christmas tunes.
I have rid my life of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. It’s glorious folks. I don’t feel like someone is watching me the whole time, and at any moment I will be yelled at. It’s quite GLORIOUS, I must say. Ps I know he reads this blog, as the fool isn’t redirecting his IP address correctly. I’m pretty sure I won the good fight by the mere fact he still takes an interest in me (why? because I’m awesome, obs), whereas I couldn’t care if… if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Texting. I effing love texting. Especially boys. Cute boys. Who make me smile.
A (very, very good) friend of mine had a cancer scare (Dear Cancer, she’s 25, back the flying balls off. E. Ps I hate you), but she bbm’d me this morning ALL IS CLEAR!!
I am now rent free. Boom shakalaka.
I have this constant desire to call people ‘bitches’ lately, Like, “what’s up bitches?” I have no idea why, but for someone I think it’s funny.
McDonalds is doing FREE coffee everyday, all day, for TWO weeks. You better believe I’ll get about 14 free coffees from this.
My new (although, I suppose old) bedroom, is a ballin’ size. It’s so nice to have so much room/storage. Not to mention a ravine view.
My birthday is in 17 days (mark yee calenders!!), it’s actually a bit of an inconvenience, I wish people would believe me when I said I didn’t wanna do anything, because I really just want a nice, little dinner with my favourites, BUT I’m actually looking forward to turning 26. 25 was a (pardon le Français) good fucking year.
Despite being in a rut, I am also in a period limbo, which is pretty shitty awesome. This is the money-saving, eating-less, running-more, living-a-quiet-little-dainty-existence, and I am for one, am excited to get my shit together, tackle my life, and head out into the next phase of my life ready to conquer (stop rolling dee eyes, I realize my lameness)
As y’all know, I signed up the Berlin 2011 marathon. You better believe that 41 emails (amongst my running group) later, I already have my accommodation booked.
Getting rid of my material items by about 50%. Felt so good.
Horse riding. So much awesome here, it could be its own post.
That’s all I can think of right now, but besides being in a rut (because I really, really am), I’m still pretty happy, which simply means my rut, is due to me just being lazy.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, going through a lot of changes, writing a lot, and making lots, and lots of lists.
To do lists, reading lists, weight lists, budget lists, marathon lists, studying lists, organizing lists and even lists prioritizing my lists. And now? now I have all these damn lists, but nothing on said lists accomplished.
In the last few months I’ve come to the conclusion that being successful in life is all about time management. If I can optimize each and every day most days to their full potential, I’ll be on top of everything, and not feel overwhelmed, like I have been lately.
Overwhelmed: bury or drown beneath a huge mass.
Yes, yes, that’s exactly me, being drowned beneath my life. Beneath the move, the new commute, the financial exam I’m writing in Dec, my budget, my running (or lack there of), and my eating (Oh yes, my eating, that’s the worst one), I am drowning.
I weighed in (at my body’s beloved) 165 this morning. I don’t even know how that happened. *cue my nose growing, and imagining all the glorious carbs I’ve recently been consuming in preparation for hibernating over the winter months.*
I feel my weight sets the tone of my life.
I know that’s depressing and awful, and I shouldn’t define myself by the number on the scale, but I do: if I eat well, I’ll run, if I run, I go to bed earlier, if I go to bed earlier, I’m not tired, if I’m not tired, I clean/organize/study/be awesome. It’s a chain reaction of excellent things, and it all starts with me not shoving carbs down my throat, because then I’m not a lazy mofo, like I’ve been the last week. Or two. Or three.
Browsing The Tumblr, drooling over fashion blogs, reading quotes, reading weight loss success stories, and reading about other people trying to fight the good fight, can only take me so far. At some point I’ll have to kick myself in the ass and get out of this lazy, rut I’ve fallen into.
To maintain 165 I have to consume 2,175 calories a day To lose one pound a week I have to consume 1,668 calories a day To lose two pounds a week I have to consume 1,168 calories a day
The above is if I lose ONE pound a week. To be honest, I’m seriously debating, starting an actual (dare I say it?) DIET. Like with a set list of foods I can, and can’t eat. None of this, I’m-Going-To-Try-And-Eat-Healthy Business, as it obviously isn’t working for me, and when something’s not working right, you gotta change it.
To reach a goal is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice: it is not to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved, and I, E, really want to acheive, One Twenty Five.
Buying regular clothes. I realize I’m still quite large (a ‘L’ top, 10/30 pants, or 10/12 dress), but it’s so nice to walk into a store and know they’ll probably have my size. I’ll never forget being told to go to the, “plus size store” while shopping with friends in 2008.
Dresses. I wear dresses now. A lot. I never used to.
Having a style. I realize I really don’t have a style per se, but at least I now have a drive to get one. I used to just want to blend in and be boring slash invisible.
Heels. High, high heels. I used to think I looked like an elephant balancing on heels, and hated wearing them. Now I embrace them.
Rings. I wear normal size rings now. This used to be a HUGE fear of mine – getting engaged and my ring finger being too fat for the ring.
Stockings, no matter what size I would buy, they would rip into me. Occasionally I’d even take scissors to the waist band, as they’d hurt so much.
Being able to cross and uncross my legs comfortably and easily. No hand help now, thankyouverymuch.
Feeling so much healthier, stronger, happier.
Waking up in the morning, lying in bed, and mentally deciding what to wear – everything I own now fits! Whereas, it used to be whatever fits me today..
Being able to get off the floor without grabbing onto furniture/a hand.
Ordering McDonalds, a cookie, cupcake (whatever) and not feeling like the entire world is thinking, “look at the fat girl, ordering the unhealthy food”
Designer clothes. Most designer clothes are made tiny, and only come in small sizes (bitches), hence I only ever stuck to their heels, but now? oh my! so many more opportunities to spend my money (ps Lanvin at H&M: Nov 23!!)
Having guys notice me. This is a big one. And let me tell you ladies, the rumours are true. I can’t even compare the attention I got pre-weight loss to post-weight-loss, because before? before there was no attention to compare. Now? Now I’m not-gonna-lie… there’s a fair bit
My health. I have to throw this one in here, but like society, I am shallow, and I’m sure my insides are way better/healthier, which is awesome-awesome, but ya.. like I said, I’m shallow, so this was never ‘The Goal,’ just a bonus
Going to the gym and not completely feeling like it’s obvious I’m there to lose weight. (This is still only partly true)
Confidence. I walk down the street with a little more va-va-voom!
Chub-Rub visiting me less often. The sneaky bastard still appears now n’ then.
Saying ‘I run’
Saying, ‘I’ve run a marathon’ (<— this one still blows my mind)
Hearing compliments. Losing weight is bloody hard, so it’s always nice to hear I look good.
Being able to (somewhat) share clothes with friends. To share clothes with my sister is the ultimate goal…
Fancy-Party-Dress occasions. I now LOVE getting dressed up.
Being lazy. I feel (and this is probably just me) it’s more acceptable for my to have a night/day of utter laziness. I suppose it’s because I know I went from a run yesterday/will go tomorrow, so I’m o.k with being horizontal for hours and hours. Moral? I don’t hate on myself as much for lazy days, which is awesome.
Speaking my mind. This is probably not the best thing ever, as I tend to talk before I think, but I used to be very quiet – I was terrified of looking stupid and fat. I guess this can be filed under, ‘more confidence’
Traveling. I’m just more adventurous now, and willing to try more things
Bathing suits; not yet showing my stomach, but not dying in a one-piece either.
Bangs. So as you may know, I have blunt, bangs. Whoa. I would NEVER have done this when I was super tubby.
This blog; had I never needed to lose weight, I would never have started this blog. I love this blog. I really do.
Becoming more honest with myself. Oh, right… I did infact eat a pound of cheese yesterday…
Knowing I can pretty much do anything. For reals… 40 pounds + a marathon? Bring. Life. On.
Having biceps! They’re small, but there! And less arm jiggle.
Being part of a running group. Seriously guys, this is one of the best things. I’ve become so close with all of them, and have nearly almost switched friend groups.
Riding horses. I don’t feel as bad for the horse anymore, and I just look a lot better
My BMI. I went from 42 (obese) to 27.5 (Overweight) SCORE!
Going to the doctor. I’d 100% avoid this simply because I refused to hear the infamous words, I already knew oh-so-too-well, “you need to lose weight.” No shit Einstein. Hearing it out loud (from someone else) was different than telling myself… it was a lot worse.
My mom. She is so proud of me.
Blind dates. Well.. I’ve never been on one, but there is no way in hell I would have ever considered it, now? now maybe
Having people rave about how I look. This is seriously so kind of everyone (including IRL folks), and I am so blessed. Thank you.