What a nice day, and i’ve left early for work today, so there is no need to hurry, I can just enjoy the 20 minute walk… people watching and taking my time. Everyone looks happy today, that’s good; it’s the Thursday before the long weekend, that’s probably why… hmm I wonder what long weekend it is? Hmm I don’t know. Actually, everyone looks really happy. Like they’re holding back smiles or something, so nice…. The human race is really underrated, people are amazing at heart, and so kind. Wow, I’m happy now too. This is awkward I can’t stop smiling at all the people looking at me. Whatever, I’ll just smile back, maybe I look particularly good today? Yes, that must be it. Today is going to be a great day! Let me now go up the elevator and before I go to my desk I’ll just ensure my hair looks good and go to the washroom.
I enter said washroom.
What. The. Fuck! OMFG My shirt is SO SEE THROUGH! That’s why all those asshole, fuckers where staring at me this morning! How did I not notice this at home?! And why did I choose to wear a bright purple bra! Gahhhhhhh today is going to suck. I hate people.
"Good Morning Everyone. My name is E and I'm a blog-aholic"
It’s true too. I’ve become obsessed infatuated with other people’s lives all over the world. From love stories, to fashion, economics, politics, travel, New York City Sydney and London dwellers, to weight loss.
Oh especially weight loss.
I simply love a good victory story with a happy ending. Girl is fat, girl decides to lose weight, girl actually loses weight, girl is awesome and dare I say it? Happier because of it.
From the bottom of my heart I want to be that girl. Nay, I need to be that girl. I want to have set a goal and achieved that goal (an occurrence far and few between in my life).
I’ve recently been pondering the question why doI eat so much?
Is it really because I simply love the taste of all things delectable?
Because food is so easily available and convenient to get?
I’m programmed to eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at specific times even if I’m not hungry?
Because part of me sometimes thinks ‘whatever, I can still eat shit and I’ll somehow find a way to lose weight?
OR is there some void in my life I’m pounding back the carbs to cover?
Perhaps I simply don’t want it bad enough? Because one must admit that if I wanted it that badly, wouldn’t I be at my goal weight by now?
That thought saddens me slightly as I truly feel I want this more than anything in the world. But lucky for me, having an ultimate goal of losing weight is actually a pretty sweet thing, because what’s this? I behold the power myself to fulfill my ultimate dream, which I feel is a rare occurrence in today’s world of big hopes, dreams and wishes.
I feel I must confess to you that I ate a muffin this morning. A “low fat blueberry muffin.” A quick google tells me it was 260 calories. Sigh, I don’t even know why I ate it, I wasn’t even hungry.
But that brings me to my next, and final point of this rant, the 2nd wonderful thing about losing weight: One mess up does not equal “you’re screwed for life.” I can start over, again right now, from this moment. Buy a healthy lunch, get a tea tonight at Starbizzle, eat a healthy dinner and so on.
It is within the power of every (wo)man to become great. I can do this.
Ate very healthy (minus the FREE softserve ice-cream - what can I say? I’m a sucker for free things)
Did my grocery shopping! $75 later my fridge is looking quite sharp
Did 3 loads of laundry
Found out a guy at work has been reading this blog.
Watched the Real World Cancun - omigosh drama!
Made the right decisions
Thought about cleaning. Decided my time was better spent facebooking creeping people.
Went to my condo building’s party
For a moment in time dabbled with the thought of loving Toronto. (fyi Toronto, keep the sun shinning and you may have a shot, bring on the winter and you’re out!)
Spent too much time on the Victoria Secret website. Thank you!! for your votes, I’m ordering this weekend and will no doubt post about it!
Gained a new Toronto friend
Made a healthy lunch for tomorrow
Did you notice the odd man out? The ”found out a guy at work has been reading this blog” point?
Hmm, where to begin with this one? Firstly, let’s be honest, it was bound to happen (I work for a bank. Everything, and I mean everything is monitored) and secondly, shit happens.
This has happened, I’m dealing with it, it sucks (a lot), but there is nothing I can do now.
To know a male colleague has read my every thought, knows my little secrets, has seen into the crazy, little world that is me, when he was not invited, was incredibly overwhelming at first (there may have been tears, I shall not lie), but as the day progressed and I pondered who I am and this little secret blog life I lead, I became o.k with it.
This is me.
I’m not fake, I’m not perfect, I’m simply little (scratch that, big) old me trying to find my way in the world and trying to become the best person I can be.
I hope no one ever uses One Twenty Five, or more importantly my crazy girl emotions against me, but if or when that time comes, I like to think I could stand up proudly and defend my blog, my highs and lows, the person I once was and show how this little blog has changed my life.
I love my little blog, it’s helped me become a better person, shed some pounds and realize I’m not alone on this big blue planet. It’s given me a better perspective on not only who I am, but how we’re all connected (crazy emotions, and all).
So no, I don’t regret it and don’t care that you’re reading this, not for a second, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Only the wisest and stupidest of (wo)men never change.
I’m bored with this life, this routine, with this working-sleeping-nonchalant little life I lead. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bored in a I’m-terribly-depressed-feel-bad-for-me kind of way, but in a I-want-a-change,-something-grand-to-happen,-something-extraordinary-to-pass-my-way, kind of way.
Perhaps skydiving? I looked into it and sadly the budget simply doesn’t justify it, travelling? again, stupid budget. What to do… what to do… ? I think losing weight in and of itself would be the “extraordinary” change I’m looking for, which makes me think I should get my ass in gear! Perhaps a personal trainer, screw the budget; it would be worth it, righhht? Right.
Any Toronto folk want to be my trainer? Help a chubby bunny shed some lard? Any (slow) people looking for running buddies? Holla at me yo.
Perhaps a boyfriend? Easily said than done my friend. Besides, I don’t think I’m ready for one right now. I need to feel more content with myself before I can be comfortable around somebody else.
Sigh, I need to flip my little switch to ‘on’… ohhh maybe a boot camp?!? Or joining a gym?!? Hmm, or training for something BIG, like a triathlon (hush up! stop laughing, I could sooo doo it *insert shifty eyes here*)
You: Quit complaining and actually do something about it! Me:Fuckers, you’re so right too. O.k people I’m on it!! I’ll keep you posted with the new bling-bling I’m going to bring to my life. Little or small, the power lies within me, right? Correct, omigosh this is exciting!…
This is assuming there are no miracles and I’m still in Toronto, still working in my corner cubicle, still over weight. So essentially, it’s the perfect day I could live out tomorrow.
6:15am Rise n’ Shine and give God the glory, glory! (anyone? anyone remember that song? no? just me… o.k then and moving on… )
6:30 - 7:15 Run Outside, preferably 6.5k
7:30am Shower, eat a very healthy breakfast, choose a fabulous outfit (most likely a white blouse tucked into high waisted skirt, blair waldorf headband, and 4.5” Michael Kors heels)
8:00am stroll to work in the sunshine, listening to the birds cars, breathing in the fresh air fumes, smiling at other fellow workers, checking out girls’ outfits to gain inspiration on what to wear to work tomorrow, winking at cute boys (not really, but checking them out while trying to make it not obvious)
8:30am Arrive at work
8:45am Morning LARGE (God knows I need it) coffee
9:00am catch up on the news, find out what’s happening with the markets blogs
10:00 - 1pm Blog/Work/Blog
1:00pm Meet sister for a very healthy salad lunch, that I brought from home (holla! it’s free then)
2:00pm Head back to work, and what’s this? My boss is gone for the day, excellent. Continue to blog/work
5:00pm Leave work and skip home in the sunshine
6:00pm Meet friends for a movie/coffee/frisbee/healthy dinner escapade
9:00pm Catch up with the roommate and watch trashy tv
11:00pm Bed/Read (omigosh The Time Traveler’s Wife? LOVE IT)/Snooze
All in a day’s work. To be honest the above is a very typical day in the fabulous life of E. Except for the ‘healthy’ part and running in the morning party (which omigosh I really want to start doing!!).
I find it quite astonishing that every day comes and goes and every day i seem to be failing. This blog is hard evidence of how easily the days and then weeks can slip between your fingers and then tomorrow you wake, look in the mirror and are still fat. My weight this morning was 165 (again). Every Sunday I see 163 and think, “oh yay! I’ve dropped weight, let’s celebrate with food” and then by time Weigh-In-Wednesday rolls around, I’m back up to 165. Frustrating as hell especially as the only person to blame is ME.
Sigh, and so the story goes. I don’t have too much going on the next week (ie not many nights out) which means this is a perfect week to start fresh and lose some weight! I’ve got the 10k (omfg!) on Sunday, which I’m soo excited for!! Just to cross the finish line will be a huge accomplishment for me, and then horse riding Sunday afternoon and I’m hoping to play a little frisbee this week and do some rock climbing, all while not stuffing my face.
Time really is of the essence and to any reader out there who wants to lose weight, please learn from my mistakes, don’t wait until tomorrow, next week, next year and don’t do a half ass job of it (cough like I’ve been doing cough), do it now and for yourself.
I sure as hell am going to give it my all from this moment forth…
So… in a strange turn of events Condo Boy emailed me.
Usually a boy emailing me would leave me smiling ear to ear, but as the email was so poorly composed, (his greeting was ’Yo’) and he’s already displayed some serious symptoms of a class A-asshole (he got pissed when I wouldn’t do more than make out), I am NOT going to see him again.
[Insert slow clap here]
I’m very proud of myself for this. I can tell he’ll treat me like shit and I’ll always be running after him. So, Mr. Condo Boy, good day!
And how are you this morning? Dapper I hope. I am in such a fabulous mood this morning which I can accredit to several things and people.
The sun is shining like an all-star. 23 degrees of perfection
Boss Man is away all week. Y to the E to the S.
The futures are up this morning, which usually means the markets will be up, which translate into $$ for me
I finally have time today to email a favourite. It’s going to be epic.
I brought a very healthy lunch to work today AND purposely left my cash, debit, credit cards at home. Yes, I don’t trust myself that much.
I did not run this morning. I tried. My alarm struck 6:30 and I popped out of bed, but by time I made it to my gym clothes draw I had fallen asleep again (I couldn’t fall asleep last night (a rare occurrence) and saw 3am on the clock), and in true fat girl fashion I decided I better take my extra hour of sleep.
A friend I haven’t see in over a month! is gracing my presence and humble abode tonight. We’re going to head to Fresh for dinner. Hopefully earlier than later so I can get my run in!
I bought a new OPI nail polish this weekend from their South Beach collection. It’s gorgeous and I’m excited, on behalf of my toes, to boast the colour.
I’m in love with horse riding. LOVE it. Yesterday’s ride was perfection in and of itself and I can feel myself improving each week.
500 Days of Summer slipped itself into my top 10 movies this weekend. I’m such a sap for movies like that.
Google Reader has made my life. Not quite, but it’s seriously amazing. How, oh how did I keep track of all the blogs I follow before then?
Did you notice anything peculiar about this list? Oh perhaps that I’m happy even when there has been NO weight loss. Progress people. Progress. BUT I am still determined to move through this plateau from hell. I want to see the 150s SO BADLY.
Due to extra time today I may go back and re-read my old posts (something I hate doing) to gain motivation from Past E, as Present E really needs it, and Future E will appreciate it.