It had to happen, a weight loss blog just wouldn’t be an adequant weight loss blog if there wasn’t the cliche’ post about the dreaded, yet-oh-so-very-predictable New Years Eve Resolutions.
New Years Resolution #1: Lose Weight.
You see! I told you it was predictable.
I don’t like thinking of my goals as New Year’s Resolutions because let’s be honest, they’re day-to-day / life-in-general resolutions, but as this is a weight loss blog, and it is nice to set things in stone, may I present to you my 2010 New Year’s Resolutions:
Lose Weight: weigh One Hundred and Twenty Five Pounds (or the weight where I sit comfortably and feel good) - FOLLOW UP: FAIL
Complete a Marathon: Chicago 2010 - FOLLOW UP: WIN
Wear a bikini - FOLLOW UP: FAIL
I absolutely refuse to say, “get a boyfriend” as one of my resolutions, because umm holy shit, depressing much? but I do want to be comfortable enough with myself to, oh I donno, suppose Prince Charming rode his stallion right on by, I would be able to let myself be whisked up and taken far, far away… because right now? I would be the shittiest of shitty girlfriends EVER, (umm no, no you are most certainly not allowed to touch me there. or there. or there.) - FOLLOW UP: 1/2 WIN
Learn to knit - FOLLOW UP: WIN
Budget. This is HUGE as I’ve been living as if I was a millionaire lately. I am not. I need to pay off my loan!! (It started at $34,000, today it sits at $4,000) - FOLLOW UP: WIN
Finish my financial courses for work (eww options, derivatives, stocks oh my!) - FOLLOW UP: WIN
Continue to blog. Sometimes I don’t feel like blogging, even then I must blog, keep records, hold myself accountable… as last time I stopped blogging? I gained 8 pounds. - FOLLOW UP: WIN
Choose my next city to move to! I’m thinking Sydney, Australia!! (Sorry NYC, apparently I’m not cool enough to live there or have the valid green card and therefore may or may not be a terrorist). - FOLLOW UP: WIN (but this is TOP secret!!)
Keep up with emails, fb messages and twitter (omigsh i’m so bad at twitter)- FOLLOW UP: FAIL
Be Fabulous! FOLLOW UP: 1/2 WIN
All simple. All attainable. My motto for 2010? Just Do It. And she did.
Click on the link above. Whoa. I was eerly close; apparently I can see the future.
Sitting in the same chair? Check Staring at the same computer? Check Hair curled? Check. New dress at home? Check. Size 12 dress? Check. Plans with friends? Check Scenario One? Check. Scenario Two? FAIL
I don’t even care that I’m sitting here, in scenario #1 because OMIGOD SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT!! Also, like I said in my previous post, I’ve already decided to OWN 2010… and as we all know I can now see the future, it’s going to happen.
Grande, non fat vanilla, no foam, extra hot, latte
Can of Campbell’s Veggie Soup
Whole wheat wrap
1 hamburger (170 cal)
2 slices of non-fat cheese
I suppose I did o.k. today. My goal was to hardly eat today, umm hello New Years Eve in 2 nights and the fact that I’ve been eating for me and a baby I don’t have the last few weeks… Tomorrow? I’ll make the latte a tea, and eliminate the cheese at dinner, and turn the burger into a chicken breast.
Lots of things boggle my mind. Lots and lots of mysterious things boggle my mind, things such as:
how work is so busy mere days before CHRISTMAS! People! stop calling me and go chill with your homies, and by homies I mean families and eat cake. LOTS OF CAKE.
how delicious chocolate is. it’s truly a gift from the angels
why people ever settled on Tundra Land (aka Canada) when it gets to be freaking minus 30 outside in December!!
why i still try to convince people (cough boys cough) to like me WHEN OMIGOD I KNOW THEY DON’T LIKE ME. BUT I JUST KEEP TRYING. AND FAILING. AND THEN TRYING SOMEMORE GOD DAMN, I NEED TO STOP BEING SUCH A GIRL AND MAN UP.
How RIM let BBM go down last night. I lost my lifeline between friends for 8 hours. I felt so isolated, alone. cold.
How omigod people, I need to look fabulous for NYE, but sadly I CAN’T STOP EATING.
Stonehenge. This ones a doozy, it truly boggles my mind. I visited England in first year and sat and stared at the rock pondering how, oh how they were ever arranged like that.
Why I can’t STOP eating delicious food (see thighs, and stomach and jiggly arms for proof)
Why I feel cooler and more attractive holding a starbucks cup. OMIGOD DID I REALLY JUST ADMIT THAT. SHUT UP YOU, YOU DO IT TOO.
How it’s already Decemeber 23rd. Whoa.
Where my visa card is. Note to self: cancel it after this post.
How I received a $651.28 phone bill yesterday. Umm yes. WTF
Why I’m such a push over. I need to grow a backbone and stick up for myself!
The feeling I get in my tummy close to Christmas and right before I get to give a really good gift, or when I see people walking around with Christmas presents
How the chocolate in advent calenders (the cheap ones) is terrible yet I always eat all 24 days. Always.
Why I still stay over at The Ex-Crush’s place when HE DOESN’T LIKE ME. WELL, ENOUGH. It also boggles me that he doesn’t like me, me not awesome? NEVER.
How some people can keep bowls of little chocolates, cookies and treats around and NEVER EAT THEM. Wait.. what? So what you’re saying is these people “eat to live?” not ’live to eat’ WHOA. Whoa, whoa whoa whoa! Huh. Well this is certainly news to me.
It’s going to be a fucking good day, and here’s why:
It’s already 9:13am and in my 8am meeting I didn’t feel the need to shoot myself in the foot from repetitive talk
I’ve got THREE days of advent calender chocolates to catch up on, ya, think about that.
I know what I’m getting my mom (UGG slippers) for Christmas, The Sister (she reads this blog, so I can’t say) and my dad (a kick-ass shower head. Yup, I never use the term ‘kick-ass’ but I feel it is appropriate here, because really.. it’s super kick-ass)
I’m meeting 8 of my favourite people tonight for a delicious red meat steak dinner, where I’ll be reunited with The Foreign Bestie
Roommate is still MIA
I like my outfit today and makeup. Not my hair, but I can deal.
I sat next to a cute boy this morning on the street-car and we made small, talk banter. He dropped his mitt, I saved his mitt; so we’re pretty much in love now. Think Sliding Doors; it will happen.
I’m going to buy Christmas lights for my condo on lunch.
Two words: Starbucks Latte.
It’s supposed to It is snowing out. I have yet to see snow settle on the ground, I blame this on living so close to the lake and thus vicious, evil winds blowing it all north of me.
I’m going to eat like a healthy bitch today and try and lose some lard (this will be especially impressive once I show you my current situation (nope, not my abs, my actual dilemma right now - next photo)
A rebuttal email to myself. I was bored at work this morning and took a gander through my blackberry’s notepad, where I stumbled across a long note I wrote to myself a few weeks ago, when I was very tipsy, fine! drunk. It was mean, hurtful and hateful. It took me a few minutes to realize I was the one who had written it… yup, I thought I had a mortal enemy out there for a moment. Here is the rebuttal to myself. ___________________________________________________________________
Smile because you’re worth it. You’re worth more than you’ll ever know and simply put? You deserve the world. That feeling you felt walking to work this morning, tipping your head up to catch snow flakes on your tongue, you know the feeling where utter happiness goes through your body? Well… it’s yours to keep. You deserve that day in and day out.
It doesn’t matter what shoes are on your feet, what jacket hangs in your closest, if your hair is curled perfectly, or the boy on the other side of the street notices you. None of it matters. What matters is the person you are.
Stop beating yourself up. Stop looking at your negatives. Stop. Eating that extra cookie, buying a chocolate bar, succumbing to the Christmas menu at Starbucks does NOT make you a terrible person. It doesn’t, I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t.
You can ‘hate’ yourself all you want, feel stick to your stomach from chocolate almonds, but none of it means you’ve failed, none of it means you’re not worth fighting for, because you are.
So fight for it: Accomplish your dreams. Makes long lists of your goals and never give up. Never. Know that the journey is just as important as the destination.
So... Why am I Festively Plump All Year Round, No Really... Why?
I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately. Why me? Why was I cursed with being over weight? I know, the answer, we all know the answer… “Well E, it’s because your chubby fingers simply can’t not reach for more delicious, chocolate almonds, they can’t not scoop for more ice-cream, or cut themselves a smaller portion of cake…”
Which leads me to ask, “why!! can’t I not put, delicious, ass-increasing food into my mouth, especially when I’m not hungry, or bored?”
For years I thought it was simply because I LOVED FOOD. Yes, I, E was a taste-a-holic. The taste was the reason I was fat. I liked letting the chocolate melt in my mouth, the taste of pasta, and cheese, and candy, and cake, I pretty much loved the taste of all things food.
Until recently that is.
My roommate (of super healthy fame) is away for two weeks right now (side-note: she got her boobs done. I was actually all for it.. hey! if you’re that self conscious about your body, and it interferes in your life, change it! (if you can)) Anywho, that is neither here nor there, back to the point:
So I’ve been living alone the last few days, which to be honest? I was really looking forward to, until I got slapped in the face with loneliness and what did I do? Yup! You guessed it, I turned to my good old friends Ben and Jerry, Mr. Kinder, Miss. Starburst, and Mrs. Carbohydrates. It was terrible people. T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E.
It was the first time in my life I made a correlation with shoving things in my mouth and my external surroundings. My God… am I fat because I’m sometimes lonely? Am I trying to make food my friend? Am I letting it comfort me in times of loneliness? Oh. My. God. Revelation much?
I consider myself, or at least like to consider myself, a pretty chatty, out-going, people-loving type of gal. I surrond myself with people. When I’m alone I dial up The Sister, The BFF, My Mom, The Brother or one of my many other favourites to chit-chat. I like company. I suppose, one could even say I feel validated by people’s company. Thus.. when I’m alone, with no one to talk to.. what’s that? I need to eat. I need to feel loved (Dear God, did I really just type that? Am I actually suggesting publicly I substitute food for people?).
So… yes. There it is. I think I eat when I’m lonely. I eat to fill the void of being by myself. Yes, yes I realize this is super pathetic, but meh. It may be a tiny step for mankind (fine! not even a step at all), but it’s a HUGE step for little old me.
Next time I go to grab the cookies I’m going to ask myself, why I want them, why do I need the satisfaction of eating something? I’ll then remind myself of all the love and support (from family, friends, and even complete strangers in the far off corners of the world) Im lucky enough to have in my life.
Food will not define me. I will define it, and I hope this is the first step.